Humane Security: Expat Relationships: Is There Room For Romance?

Humane Security: Expat Relationships: Is There Room For Romance?

Expat Relationships: Is There Room For Romance?

Dear Readers,

As some of you may know, my romantic relationship of 2.5 years crashed and burned the night I got back from my six month consulting adventure in Nigeria. It’s taken me most of the last...year..to get back on my feet emotionally...and it is probable that I’m still not quite all there (here?), yet.

Luckily, I have great friends and some gracious and understanding suitors. ;)

Now that I’m in the thick of preparing for my first foreign service officer gig (2 years in the DRC, for which I am studying French full time right now), it occurs to me that my career is hell on relationships. Further, it seems to encourage two types of relationships: marriage or undefined (and with a deadline that closely resembles your pack-out date).

For marriage, you need some time—for courtship, to run a background check on them (hey—we’re always being told by AFN that we’re being spied upon), a year to plan the wedding and another year to deal with all the new paperwork (not exactly romantic, I know). :)

Undefined relationships are not that easy, either, since these also involve aspects of the heart, their, and your feelings, etc. Also, deadlines are decidedly unromantic. It helps to communicate clearly, but most outside of your weird fso culture might not comprehend the acronym-ruled world you come from—more paperwork than adventure, more executing policy than saving the work, more isolation than exposure to exotic locales...

Of course, you might meet someone at post—and many do. However, it is tricky to date coworkers, trickier to date employees/ers, dating foreigners involves the above-mentioned background checks, potential conflicts of interest plus paperwork. PLUS they must want to give up their normal life, follow you around the world and love paper.

I’m not trying to be pessimistic, I’m just curious about how this works for the other unmarried expat-types? I’d love to hear your story!

Thanks!
Tukpa-Imi

Time flies! A view towards Nigeria.

Dear Readers,

Many apologies for my long lapse. I had a bit of a crash-landing when I got back to the States in December...and then I started a new job--I'm a Crisis, Stabilization and Governance Officer! Cool title, huh?

I've been learning about working within the USG--while contemplating the lessons I learned in Nigeria. Not surprisingly, I miss Nigeria. Despite the craziness (most likely because of it), Nigeria is a land of constant growth/change/stimulus/innovation.

It is unfortunate that certain groups have resorted to violence during this electoral season--and it is even more unfortunate that security forces are ineffective and corrupt--and no one will address the actual grievances that lead to the violence.

I think it is important to ask ourselves--what do Boko Haram want? What does MEND want? What is so bad in their situations that violence is the tool they choose to use?

I'd be curious to hear your thoughts.

Best,
Tukpa-Imi

Announcing the Winners of the Nigera Photo Contest!!

Dear Readers,

My apologies for the long absence! I've had work to do (shocking I know), but that doesn't excuse my neglect of this popular contest.

So! The winners!

OVERALL, and LANDSCAPE: with 8 comments, is by Katherine, with this beautiful sunset on the way to Gwarinpa!

Link

PEOPLE: There was a TIE for this category, which is not surprising considering how vibrant the people of Nigeria are!

The tie is between "No Standing" by Simona and "Her Shadow" by Jeff!





No Standing













Her Shadow












Other:






This photograph was by a young expat! Fiona! Who took "Beads"in her first week in Abuja! Just goes to show that the country makes an impression on everyone--and quickly!!



I hope all of you enjoyed the contest!! Let me know if you have other pictures or articles about Nigeria that you'd like to share!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Twenty-Sixth Entry: Landscape

Dear All,

This could have been titled under culture, or people, but since its mostly land/city, I figured it was a landscape.

This one is also by Sam, who has submitted a few other photographs.

This is titled "Lagos' best drive through".

From Sam: "I was inspired by the justaposition between functioning and dysfunctional as a representation of Nigerians and their government. Apparently, this restaurant is one of the best take away places in the city (look at the fancy car parked beside it)."

This photograph is set in Lagos, July 2008 and perhaps represents how tenacious Nigerians are--this woman is obviously running a business in the most unlikely and precarious of places!

COMMENT if you like it!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Twenty-Fifth Entry: Culture

Dear all,

So many last minute entries!! Sorry for the crowding--make sure to scroll down all the way and also check out the October photos!

Here is another picture from Sam.

"Marvel of Nigerian Engineering" taken in Lagos, July 2008.

Hope you like it! COMMENT if you do.

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Twenty-Fourth Entry: Landscape

Dear All,

Really, this is a 'city scape' but close enough. This is the last entry from Fiona, who has many well-received pictures.

This one was taken in October 2010, in Abuja.

It is titled "Standing Tall"

Enjoy! COMMENT if you like it!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Twenty-Third Entry: Other

Dear Readers,

Here's another post from Fiona. It is (for obvious reasons) titled "Eggs".

It was taken in October of 2010 in Abuja.

Hope you enjoy!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Twenty-Second Entry: Landscape

Dear Readers,

This is another photograph from the lovely Fiona.

Can you believe these pictures were taken from her camera phone?!

This one is called "Abuja Sunset On The Road"

Hope you like it! COMMENT on it if you do!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Twenty-Second Entry: Landscape

Dear Readers,

This is one of the first submissions by an actual Nigerian :). I guess when you live in a beautiful country, you don't always think to take pictures? Or maybe I'm not posting to the right audiences.

This was taken by TJ Eko, she works in one of the new generation banks in Abuja. This photo was taken when she was going to see her mum in her hometown of Ugep, Cross River State.

She says "This palmtree is legendary because it is two-headed and its been there since I was a little girl living in Calabar. I remember my brothers and I always looking out for it on our way to the village with our parents from Calabar."

Hope you like it! COMMENT if you do!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Twenty-first Entry: People

Dear Readers,

Here is another one from Chiara.

This one is taken in Abuja, October 2010, and is titled: "The joy of praying"

Hope you like it!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Twentieth Entry: People

Dear Readers,

This one is from Chiara, an Italian who came to Abuja a month ago! She has submitted two photos.

This first is titled "Women's Gaze" taken at Gurara Falls in October 2010.

Hope you are enjoying all the photos! Comment if you like them!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Nineteenth Entry: Landscape

Dear Readers,

This is another one from Jeff!

This one is titled "Storm Coming" and was taken at Lake Chad, September 2010.

COMMENT if you like it!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Eighteenth Entry: Culture

Dear Readers,

This entry is from Jeff.

It was taken in Adamawa State in August of 2010. It is titled "Get In The Car!"

Hope you like it! COMMENT if you do!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Seventeenth Entry: Other

Dear Readers,

This photo was submitted by Luca, and is of Bwari pottery near Abuja. The photo is treated in HDR, High Dynamic Range, a new digital technique.

If you like it, COMMENT! :)

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Sixteenth Entry: Other/People

Dear Readers,

This is the last day of the photo contest.

This submission is by Monica, an Abuja Expats member.

She wrote the following about the picture:

This is a picture of something like a storyteller from Minna. (november 2008). Every child was stunned looking at his old and broken dolls, and listening to his words in Hausa language.

“Go under the table”, someone told me when I was looking. And so I did. Then I discovered that under the table children not only could listen the stories, but also interact with dolls. I loved it, because that man was feeding the fantasy and imagination of many children that may not receive any doll this Christmas.

COMMENT on the photo if you like it!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Fifteenth Entry: Other/People

Dear Readers,

This photograph was taken by Whitney in Warri, at a primary school. It was taken in July of this year (2010).

It's nice to get some entries from closer to where I am in the South-South!

COMMENT if you like it!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Fourteenth Entry: Other

Dear all,

This photograph is titled "Pumpkin Pepper" and is by Fiona, a young Abuja Expat. She is now on her...3rd or 4th week here? Perhaps this pepper changed itself for Halloween?

This was taken in Abuja.

COMMENT if you like it!

Best,
Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Thirteenth Entry: Landscape/Other

Dear Readers,

Hope you're still enjoying the Nigeria photograph competition. I will be a bit busy over the next few days. I hope I won't lag behind on posting, but I hope you'll see something you like and vote for it!


This photograph was taken by Herwig, flying into Abuja, sometime in September 2010.

I really liked the perspective in this picture.

COMMENT if you like it!

Best,

Alena

Nigeria Photo Contest Twelfth Entry: Landscape

Hi all,

I realized that I skipped a landscape, so I am posting that now.

This one is called "Fishermen in Lagos Harbor"

It's by Sam, who entered another photograph earlier in the competition.

Remember to COMMENT if you see a photo that you like!

Best,
Alena