Nigeria Photo Contest Fifth Entry: Other

Hi all,

This photograph is by Fiona, who is brand new to Nigeria! She's just been here a week or so!

I liked this one because of the brilliant colors.

It is titled 'beads' and came from one of the markets in Abuja.

Best,
Alena

Have Passport, Will Have Shared National Identity?

Dear Readers,

After a series of unfortunate mini-crises, I nearly had a meltdown. I really really need to have 1 day in Nigeria where no lecherous married man hits on me, no one tries to scam me and nothing breaks (I have a somewhat cynical theory that when a Nigerian tries to fix something, they start by breaking it more...).

Part of this breakdown is my newfound inability to communicate with my countrymen (Americans) about this experience (working in Nigeria, for Nigerians, with Nigerians...there are maybe a handful of foreigners in my temporary town).

Now, don't take this the wrong way, but it doesn't take much to be an 'Africa expert' in the US. I'd be curious to see how many such experts had spent more than 2 continuous months in an African country. I've only been to two--but I'm definitely the only American living in my town. Some pass through periodically, mostly oil workers and wayward academics.

The funny thing about being so isolated from other expats, is that I feel increasingly uncomfortable around my fellow expats--especially the ones who are just here to visit, or live within a cocoon (albeit a cocoon I sometimes envy--I'd do a lot for some real Chinese food, or regular access to decent bread and cheese).

I was asked by a friend who lives in the US, in the same wealthy suburb I spent one year of high school in (note to other expats, growing up moving around is great for kids--but please don't move them their senior year of hs), and I realized that I had no way to describe my experience to him.

This must sort of be what veterans feel--that even if people were interested and asked questions--you wouldn't know what to say. I can't even watch some US tv shows anymore because the ideal world depicted in those shows is so far from the reality...even the US reality, much less the Nigerian one.

Does embracing diversity of thought and culture mean that I'm actually more American?

I don't feel very Nigerian--I'm not. However, I do feel less and less in common with Americans, despite my passport.

I hope I learn enough here to be able to communicate back there.

Best,
Alena

Trapped By Beauty

Dear Readers,

While in Abuja, I got a very nice mani-pedi from a beautician named, appropriately, Beauty. Since I sat there, effectively immobilized by her, my friend joked "you're trapped by Beauty". Back home, I almost never do this, but Nigerians have high expectations and standards for self-maintenance. You always have pressed/ironed clothes, nothing with holes or stains, and every woman (and most of the men) I've seen is very well put together.

Now, I used to be a serious tom-boy. I still barely ever wear makeup and don't shave. So, I'm pretty 'rugged' as the Nigerians say (they mean independent). So all of this is a bit of a learning experience. Luckily 2 years in NYC was good training.

In another funny incident, when comparing me with someone who was very skinny (maybe a size 2), a Nigerian man said (about me, a size 4) that 'you're comfortably padded'. :)

I've had numerous Nigerians look at my picture of one month ago and say 'you were much fatter!'. Yes, I've had two illnesses since being here (one a parasite..which I successfully diagnosed with my Healthy Africa Travel Guide--thanks Lonely Planet!), so I've lost about 5 lbs, but I don't think I would've called myself 'fat' before or after.

So, needless to say, Nigeria is not for any woman who is bothered by being called fat. Nigerians also love the words 'beautiful' and 'brilliant,' so you're as likely to get called those nice things all the time as 'fat'. So, you take what you can get, right?

So, appearance is a different experience here. People are always asking about where I 'do my hair' (answer: I take a shower and I brush it then it air-dries).

I wrote down some 'African Fashion' sites but seem to have misplaced them. I'll post the links later.

Hope you're all well!
Best,
Alena

Where are all the Antelopes?

Dear readers,

In Bayelsa, it rains a lot, probably 3 or 4 times a day. The locals tell me, that when it is sunny in one part of the sky and raining in another, an antelope is born. I think that's a really nice idea, although I would expect there to be many more antelopes in the neighborhood if that was the case.

So, where are all the antelopes? Where did this idea come from?

Also, people are constantly telling me, 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do'. I'm not sure if that is exactly the saying, but I'm doing my best. My 'work' hours are closer to 11am to 10pm. I might give up on expecting things to happen on my schedule (or on time). I can't quite stop being mostly on time to things, but I'll bring things to do while I wait for people.

Other adjustments--doing business late at night, always covering shoulders, and trying to be endlessly flexible. Flexibility is the key to happiness, right?

What other habits or philosophies should I adopt to get work done? What is your advice for doing business in Nigeria?

Hope all of you are well.

Best,
Alena

Has just become a member of "Whites Online"

Hey Readers,

In Nigeria, everyone who is even remotely lighter skinned than a Nigerian (or is just not Nigerian) is called "Oyingbo" or "Oyibo"....all the time. Everywhere you go, you'll hear it, people will say it, and you are it. :) Oyibo means White in Yoruba. In general, they mean 'foreigner' when they use it,but the word is the word for the color white.

I'm used to being the only white person for miles...but it took me a bit by surprised when my driver took me to a hotel/restaurant and said 'it's run by your brotha'. 'My brother' turned out to be an older Lebanese man. Despite having much affection for the Lebanese, I've never really thought they were my brothers. :)

So, my houseguest introduced me to Oyibos Online and their facebook group. They're both mostly a friendly online place for expats in Nigeria to communicate.

In all my days of world travel, I never thought I'd belong to a "Whites Online" group.

My second set of thoughts was about race relations, and how weird it would be for all the subgroups of the US to come to Nigeria and just be called 'white! white!' all the time. It's both horrifying and a great simplifier, if all the Arabs, Persians, Jews, Indians, Filipinos, Chinese, etc were all just called 'white!'. Not to mention the reduction of available vocabulary for all those who are bi or multi-cultural.

In another moment of cultural assumptions--one Nigerian was convinced I must be Canadian, because I speak English so clearly and carefully...and don't 'use slang like Americans.'

:)
Alena

Yenagoa, Week 2: A Socio-Economic Adjustment

Dear all,

Things change so quickly. I can not even convince a Nigerian to believe me when I tell them that, in the US, I don't have a car, a TV or any servants. In the States, the servants get paid (some, probably not all) a pretty decent wage, and are way too expensive to have unless you need them. In the US, I make my own food, clean my own home, get myself from Point A to Point B on the bus or train, and otherwise walk myself to where I want to go.

In Nigeria, I have a fancy car with a driver who doubles as my 'tough' when I go some place that requires such an entourage. If I travel out of Yenagoa, I have to be accompanied by a uniformed guard with an AK-47. I live in a designated guest house, have people who feed me (had a small lapse when the G was out of town, but we've fixed it). I have 2 'stewards' who help around the house (with varying levels of reliability, but its nothing to complain about) and live in a walled compound with guards and such.

So, this has required me to learn some new skills. My stewards were shocked to learn that I can operate a microwave and heat up my own food. I need to learn to give directives about the things I need done. Until recently, I would end every request with 'is that okay?' which just seemed to confuse them.

Anecdotally, they were also shocked that I can walk around on my own, and that I can shop and cook.

In an attempt to maintain my elitist morality, I also am determined to find out about the lives of my staff, provide positive reinforcement, and to do my best to develop their sense of loyalty to me. So far I've had some very nice conversations about people's families, and at least one of the stewards sings to himself as he works, which is quite pleasant.

I've more or less settled in, my friend is visiting and she and I have had fun outfitting my establishment. There still are some kinks, but they're getting resolved.

Any advice on how to go from not-having-servants to having-servants? What is your advice on how to best engage them, as a foreigner, and as a person with a different set of expectations than they would expect?

A whole new set of lessons!

Best,
Alena

My cultural heritage.

Dear Readers,

This new adventure seems to involve a lot of thinking and discussing about culture.

The Americans I meet here are almost hyper-American…they know where they’re from, constantly talk about how great it is (although they’re not blind to its faults), and how Nigerians are different. Nigerians tell me good or bad things about their people, but they know where they are from and are more or less proud of it.
I have more trouble with the Americans sometimes. The Nigerians just accept that I’m not ‘from’ here. The Americans expect me to be like them, or at least compare Americans to other people on a regular basis. I feel less American here, and I’m not as uncomfortable as some of them are in Nigeria.

Why in the world would I want to travel to new and interesting countries, and sit with other Americans and complain about everyone else? Seems like a poor use of time.

In fact, aside from typical start-up problems in any new project, I’ve felt perfectly at ease here. Even welcome and warm about being here. There is a certain freedom in being foreign—people don’t know what to expect from you, many local rules don’t really apply—and, if you don’t mind being treated like a circus freak (I can barely go for a walk without passersby doing double-takes…the Nigerians for some reason think that white people can’t go from A to B on their own two feet), then you can go be curious and ask questions and do strange things.

For those who don't already know: I grew up in 6 countries, with the longest continuous period being in China. I’ve lived in 9. I speak English and Mandarin. My mother was born and raised in Asia, but is white. My father’s from the States, born and raised, but speaks 5 languages. They live in Asia now.

I spent a few years in the Midwest, discovering America, and mostly discovering that, like most people in the world, you have to take Americans case-by-case.
Despite my passport being from only one country, when I travel, I feel at home. I’m a 2nd generation, 3rd Culture Kid. Only now, when I’m practically 30, have I learned to miss people. And only a very select few. The rest, I care about, but its like time stops in these different places I’ve lived. I can go to one, and then go back to the other, and start again.

I know that’s not the life for everyone, but it is how I was raised, and I am grateful for all the quirky things that have gone into my upbringing. I am grateful to my parents for dragging me around the world, introducing me to all this strangeness, forcing me to become bilingual, independent, footloose.

It has its drawbacks, sure, but so does everything. I still can’t tell you where I’m ‘from’ and the place that is ‘home’ is with my loved ones…or just wherever I happen to be. I’m not saying I’m not American, because I am, but Americans, like everyone else, are case by case.

Thanks for listening,
Alena